My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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