At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
