Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
