I wish my penis had an off switch
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize