y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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