My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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