It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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