Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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