Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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