You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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