Please, let me fuck your mom
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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