We won't sleep together?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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