My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
