hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
