I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
