ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
