I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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