I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Less talking, more tequila
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
