I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
