I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
