yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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