How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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