i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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