So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
