Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
