OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
