A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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