do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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