Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize