He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
