Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
