hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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