I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
