just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
