drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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