Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
