Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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