I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
