I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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