The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
