I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
