I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
