I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she peed on how many people?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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