apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
