didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
