I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
