She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
