All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize