So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
