just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize