I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
