i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
