I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
