I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
