At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize