Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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