u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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