Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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