I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
