You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize