I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
