"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
