I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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