There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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