I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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