we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
