Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
