i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
