You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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