Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
