My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
